damn....

in the end ...
finally ...
at time i'm nagging by two friends ...
i do sent out the first message ... to a girl who stay far beyond my imagination ....
and someone who touches my heart long long ago , that i though has found the shelter to lean on ... had leave that warm shelter.... i have no feeling of happy nor sad, just that the touches that has been left inside of me being increasing somehow ....
and now ... what should i do ?

its true that ... not many but still a few amount of girl that i've gone through.... but who lives in me just that little... the first , who changed me into who i am as what you all seen, the second who console me through that bitter days, the third who i feel sin on myself, the forth, who i have my first date with (is that even consider a date ? might be ?) , oh before that , second and third there are someone who touches me ... ... and that she is ....
the only thing that remain and keeps on surrounding in my mind is ...
how , why , what, and i don't know .... i'm confuse, i'm lost, i'm ...puzzling ?
i don't know ....

all these days all these periods , i never have a dare to think of it, i never have a dare to though that want to be with it....
for i knew that how weak i am, how fragile i am,
my shoulder can't even lift someone's emotion,
my back can't even bear something call responsible,
my hand can't even warm the cold air,
my eye can't even stand someone up,
but now ... i don't know .... i don't know .... and i don't know ...
somehow ... i want ....

some how ... it comes to me from no where "there are times where you finally have to bear all the responsibility, i can't get away"
what does this mean to me ?
it lies deep inside my soul, i know, thats why he come to me from nowhere to tell me that i can't get away from any and every responsibility that i response to ....
and this will only comes meaningful after i actually have the Responsibility on my back....
and the responsibility is .... the touches ....

i don't know .... i don't know ...
someone! something! just get me out from this fucking trap of mind ....
i only know that all these happens in my mind, in my feeling, in my souls ....
it doesn't concern anyone ....
thats the only thing that i know ....

though that i will be granting the best of my wishes to the Touches,
and i'm gonna look forward to someone that far beyond my imaginary ....
and all of the sudden .... i get the news that .... that shelter has been left alone by my touches.... ....

there is no needed to understand... ...

the moonless night tells how lonely the night is
the bugless night tells how empty the land is
the colourless night that full with sigh
only wind come forth to console the puzzle of mind
he hears the fountain
the fountain where his spirits should rest
still... he puzzling...
yet.... he lost ....
thus .... he confuse....
and he trapped... in the jungle
where the loses souls gather....
that unnamed ....
once he calls ... love ?