WInd

难以想象。。。

2010-10-26T22:28:00.004+08:00

搬家之后，我的生活真的改变了很多。。。。
才一两个星期已经大便两三次。。。以前一个月最多大上两次
一天没三餐也有两餐。。。以前不是面包就是没吃
晚上肯定会睡觉，早上肯定会起床。。。。以前昼夜都分不清
会无聊，会寂寞，会闷。。。。以前看着电脑，躺在床上，发整天呆都不会怎样
一个人在家，会觉得怪怪的，孤单？。。。。。。以前反而乐得没人在家，一个人清清静静
早上，期盼人家出门做工，下午，期盼人家回来吃饭，傍晚，期盼人家放工，晚上，期盼听着隔壁房或斗嘴，或谈天，或看戏，断断续续的声音。。。。。以前肯定会觉得烦
为什么，我不知道。。。只知道，感觉上，改变了很多
难以想象。。。

越来越。。。

2010-10-08T02:57:00.002+08:00

越来越喜欢，一个人静静地听歌
越来越喜欢，一个人深夜漫无目的地驾着车
越来越喜欢，一个人看着夜空吹着晚风

现在的一个人，和以前的一个人不一样。。。
多了一种莫名的情绪。。。
每当想你的时候。。。
只想要一个人静静地，吹着风，听着歌，驾着车。。。
就这样

什么时候开始这样的。。。。
我不记得了。。。

也感觉，
自己对你，
陷得越来越深。。。。

天行健，君子以自强不息

2010-10-06T18:29:00.002+08:00

如果说。。。距离是问题，
那，以后我在蝠城买间屋子就是了
突然这么想到。。。

傻事做了，时间无法倒退，
也许是件好事，可是我不关心了。。。。

谢谢你，有给自己想过一段时间。。。
虽然。。。。。。。。。。。。

其实，我说疲惫，
是指我的心有时候会累。。。
思念，这种感觉不好受。。。。。。
之前你说，你的朋友住你家，
那种心酸酸的感觉，也不好受。。。
所以，很疲惫。。。

可是，你知道吗，每次电话响起简讯的声音时，哪怕赖在床上不想起身，
我都很开心，马上爬起来，
虽然多数都是失望，因为那些不是你传来的，是digi/hotlink。。。。

我要努力，
敏，我不会放弃的。。。
每件事情，每样事物，任何一切，
我从来都是轻易放弃的，
就你，我不想。。。。。。

天行健，君子以自强不息！

好想你。。。

2010-10-04T00:26:00.003+08:00

想念你，又怎样？
只能一个人静静地想念。。。
我，到底想怎样？
我，要什么？
我不知道。。。
想要你接受我吗？不是
想要你做我女朋友吗？不是
可是，我很想很想很想告诉你，我想你！为什么？我不知道
即使说了，又怎样？没怎样。。。

你在蝙蝠城，过得还好吗？近况如何。。。

感觉好多话要跟你说，却不懂要跟你说些什么。。。
朋友常跟我说，平常心就好。。。可是。。。很难。。。

去了许些新地方，好想告诉你，好想和你分享。。。

想念，是经常不经意间浮现的你。。。。

好想你。。。敏。。。。。。

说句心底话，我并不了解他。。。
只是，喜欢一个人有必要彻底去了解一个人吗？
我仍然不知道为什么会喜欢他。。。也并不了解他。。。
不需要去了解他，可是我想去“认识”他。。。。

出世入世

2010-09-27T03:55:00.003+08:00

21 岁以前，探索哲学，追寻哲学，冷眼冷暖，走出人群
21岁以后，离弃哲学，忘却哲学，实践生活，走进人群

爱一个人的资本

2010-09-19T21:32:00.005+08:00

我懂什么？我什么都不懂！
我知道什么？我什么都知道！
我什么领域都有接触，可是，什么都半桶水
我从来没有认真过
我从来没有真正认真地生活过
我拿什么来追人？
我有什么资本？
我能够给她什么？
我什么都没有！
阿墨，等我。。。
希望到时候，我仍然有机会
现在开始，我要好好认真地生活和学习
我一定可以做到！
嘉（佳）敏，我爱你！
给我时间，等我

无题

2010-09-16T20:06:00.002+08:00

昨天，像以前一样，传讯，很开心，有熟悉的感觉。。。
虽然不知道为什么。。。
或许，已经很久没这样传讯了，也习惯了你，偶尔回一封，或者不回
也不怪你，看到自己的信息，我也不懂怎么回。。。
只是想多让你知道，我在做着什么。。。虽然，这或许没什么意义。。。。也或许，只会让你更烦

有时候，难免会想，我到底想怎样？
现在我知道了，不是想要你成为我的女朋友，或者什么的
因为，我很清楚，就算我再喜欢你，或者，我爱你，也不算什么，也没有什么具体意义，
我只是希望，我们会走入对方的生活，
当然，如果以后，我们会走在一起，我会很高兴，也很渴望，
不过那太遥远了，我不敢奢望，只要，互相走入对方的生活，我就满足了。。。。

坦白说，我真的很怕。。。
怕那一天，不再联络了，所以，偶尔传些无聊的信息给你，当然也更害怕，你会觉得厌烦

也不是没想过，
你在柔佛，我在吉隆坡或者槟城，以后可能会很麻烦。。。
不过那是在我们在一起的前提下吧。。。。
想再多也没用

有时候，想想
真的觉得自己很好笑，
男人都是这样吗？
像现在的自己的例子，我也在很多地方看过，当然也包括其他别的例子，
只是觉得有点好笑，自己也会这样子。。。

或许，你从柔佛下来读书，让我自以为有了希望。。。。
如果，我不那么激动，简简单单就当个朋友，一切不是很好吗？
从上半年的一封电邮，到上个月的一则短讯。。。
。。。。。。

写到现在都不知道自己要说什么。。。
我想你
也深深明白到，想念是什么样的味道。。。。
难怪，很多诗词描写想念时，作者一定不会忙着一些事情，作者一定是一个人，静静的。。。。
以前自己写短句或许可以很轻松地描写什么是想念，可其实自己完全不懂想念是什么一回事，
只是单纯地以为，想念就是想着某人。。。
其实，不是的，
想念，比想着某人还要多一些。。。。
然而，每当这种情绪拥上来时，你总是想一个人慢慢地咀嚼那份想念的味道，
不是特意的，而是每当忽然间，想念了，就想放下一切事情，静静地，想念。。。

大乌龙！！！！

2010-09-07T23:17:00.001+08:00

原来，forward message 给别人，我的电话会有， read request 然后寄回一个 read report 给我的。。。。。
我搞什么？
给自己出丑了。。。

收皮了。。。

2010-09-07T22:10:00.003+08:00

收皮了。。。
怪自己，电话都不会用。。。。
今天，放学后，开开心心赶到朋友家拿吉他，
回到家开开心心，开始学生日快乐，虽然吉他买了很久，不过都没真正去学过
两三个小时，终于学会弹生日快乐，我的第一首歌。。。
用手机录了好几次，终于录到弹得最美的。。。
又开开心心尝试把歌寄给她，恩，今天是她生日。。。。
用两部电话研究了好久，终于知道怎么寄出去。。。。
怕她没收到，结果，把之前寄的 (sent message) forward 过去给她，
结果，她认为是 forward message 来的，不是我弹的，虽然她没有明说，不过我是这么觉得。。。。
最后，决定给她来个现场的，打给她，然后弹，
一直抱着，要证明，我会弹的这种心理，打了好几次。。。
她接了。。。
我也开始弹。。。
不过，中间弹错了。。。。水泡磨破了，很痛。。。。
现在。。。很没有心情。。。只想要躺在床上闭上眼睛。。。。。。。。

我怕。。。

2010-08-27T20:07:00.004+08:00

我很怕。。。。
我不知道怎么了。。。还是真的是我自己想太多了？
那天电话打了，她没听。。。。
跑去床上躺，后来她有信息过来，说在看书。。。。。
第二天，传了一次短讯，本来想着，以后不传短讯了，感觉自己好像一直在打扰他。。。
今天，还是传了一封。。。。
她又没回了。。。。
突然觉得很怕，为什么，我不知道，就是很怕。。。。
还是，这几天一直都是我在自己吓自己？

之前，常常说，喜欢这女生，喜欢那女生，觉得这就是喜欢。。。
可是，感觉完全不一样。。。
就是一时的兴奋而以，然后就没有了。。。。
可是。。。这次我很怕。。。。我不懂。。。。。。
我只知道现在很担忧，可是我却不知道自己到底在担忧什么。。。。
也许，我是在害怕，和他距离越来越远。。。。。。

坦白说，和他，认识的不深
最多,msn 认识了好几年，可是真正见过面，就三次罢了，
第一次，就是去柔佛那次，
第二次，就是 pc fair ，
第三次，就是上个星期我拿书给他那次。。。。
彼此说不上了解多少。。。。甚至说不上熟

我不知道要说什么了。。。。
毫无头绪。。。。
我。。。怎么了。。。。。。
从星期一，她没有回信息开始，就一直这样，太突然，我。。。。
我不知道了。。。。
我只知道，现在，我担忧，我害怕，可是就是不懂在担忧什么，在怕什么。。。。
我想你。。。。

唉。。。

2010-08-25T22:47:00.005+08:00

好吧。。。我又空口说白话了，我做不到。。。。
一直到前天，她没有回我信息了。。。。今天也没回。。。。
会不会发生什么事情了？毕竟那里发生过很多案件。。。
我不知道。。。。不过，我知道，那是我过虑了。。。。。。
或者他最近被人家烦到很不爽了？我肯定也是其中一个。。。。。
也可能，她最近真的很忙，很忙，忙到不想和别人纠缠。。。。
很想打电话给她，问他是不是发生什么事情了？
可是。。。。。还是不敢。。。
而且，我也不是她的谁，还轮不到我来过问吧？
很想打给她，如果只是不想我再烦他，我无所谓。。。。给我死心，跟我直白，我无所谓，我可以接受
可是。。。万一真的发生什么事情呢？
考虑了很久很久了。。。。
就是不敢打电话过去。。。。。
没心情。。。。什么事情都没心情。。。
虽然每天都在“没心情”中度过，可是，现在的没心情，和平常的没心情，不一样。。。。。
打？不打？
想打。。。。可是，我害怕。。。。
打？不打？打？不打？打？不打？打？不打？
不打的话，又过一天了。。。。
打，我没勇气。。。。
怎么办。。。。
我更害怕，打完这通电话，以后就各走各路，朋友都做不成了。。。。

打吗。。。。。。。。。。。。？
打过去，或许就有答案了，做不成朋友没关系，至少他没事情发生？我知道是我多虑了，可是。。。就是不放心。。。
不打吗？这样子，会更好吗？
三天了。。。。。第一次没有回我信息。。。。
不知道。。。。。。。。。。。。
不知道！！！！！

好吧，理智点，冷静点，
我想太多了，我太在意了，我太在乎了，其实什么事情都没有，只是我自己给自己的心理作用。。。
只是，我从来都不是一个理智的人。。。。

打吧。。。让自己死心也好。。。
真好笑，人家追女孩，就是要追到人家，
我喜欢女孩，却要让自己死心。。。。
打吧。。。。。。

不要了

2010-08-16T20:49:00.002+08:00

不追了，不要了，顺其自然就好，
这次是真的了，顺其自然就好
真的想通了，
我也知道我现在要做什么了，也知道我要站在那里了
不像之前，飘飘浮浮，什么都不知道了

沉重

2010-08-16T16:31:00.002+08:00

千盼万盼，终于盼到了回信。。。
某段不长不短的段落。。。。
读完之后，不知道什么心情，
真要形容的话，应该是---沉重吧。。。
我不知道该怎么回事
觉得自己做错了什么，就是有这种感觉
虽然什么事情都没有，可就是有这种感觉
不追了，不喜欢了，不要了，
柔佛的女孩，还是做朋友好，至于其他，以后再说吧，
什么都不要了。。。。

争取！

2010-08-10T19:20:00.003+08:00

偶然间，看到这两个字------争取！
对，就是争取！！！
我一直都很沉寂，或者说，完全没有斗争心
常常表现得对什么都不在乎，甚至不知道自己为了什么去做某件事情，导致很多事情都是草草了事，敷衍过去就算了
因为我不知道，争取！！
很多时候，很多机会放在我面前，我也任它飘远，表现的毫不在意，
因为我不知道，争取！！
打篮球，打了这么久，没什么大进步，为什么？
因为我甚至连自己为什么打篮球都不知道，只是纯粹因为打篮球而打篮球
没有斗争心，不懂的争取
读书也好，日常生活的琐事也好，打球也好，什么都好，全部都一样，
第一名！杰出！钱！权！荣誉！或者其他什么东西
我从来没有争取过！
即使有时候吃亏，也常说，算了吧，没什么大不了

看到这两个字，感觉好像全世界都发亮了，真的有这种感觉
以前教练常对我说，我没有一个目标，我也知道自己没有，也没想过要有，因为我自己都不知道自己要什么，没有奢求过什么，也因此没有斗争心，没想过为自己争取什么
拥有什么，失去什么，不会太过在意
很多朋友也劝过我，可很多时候我就是听过就算

可是，看到这两个字-----争取！！！
我要她！！！！！！！
我要努力！！！
我要学习！！！！
我要进步！！！
我要打好篮球！！！！！
我要把她争取过来！！！！！！

我不会眼睁睁看着她和别的男生一起，
不会让她像以前很多事情在我眼前而不懂得争取
虽然我不知道他对我怎么想，我不在乎，
我只要和她在一起
我要和她一起
我要努力进步自己，好让自己有追求她的资格！！！
给我时间，等我！！

废材。。。。

2010-08-09T17:57:00.003+08:00

送某位朋友回家，然后。。。我犹豫了很久，半个小时？一个小时？我不知道。。。
犹豫是不是应该去找他，很想，可是。。。觉得自己脸皮很厚，或者我想太多了？
或许，真的是我想太多
肯定的是，我顾虑很多，碰面之后呢？该做些什么？该去那里？等等，等等，我毫无头绪，我不想碰面过后我看你你看我那样子，我也不懂要和他谈些什么。。。。我彷徨。。。。
最后，不晓得哪里来的勇气，去吧，我想见他

见到了，可是，觉得自己很像呆子。。。十足十的呆子，和之前去居銮找他的样子差不多，或者更糟？
一直想着，怎么办？说些什么？说话啊。。。最后还是保持沉默。。。。
不过还好，他的朋友陪他谈话。。。。

晚上吃饭时，有两个男生过来了，其中一位男生，好像对他有意思，
看到他过来，我好想好想好想好想，把自己的椅子，拉过去他旁边，不给那男生靠近，可是，我还是没有动。。。。无能的家伙。。。。。怎么了？我不知道。。。。或许，怕他知道我对他有意思？不过，他好像早知道了。。。我不知道，我没勇气。。。。。（看回以前的帖吧，我好像写过？）

那个男的作了一个动作，我眉头皱了一下，对那男生很反感。。。那男生推他的头一下，很想发作，可是不知道该说些什么。。。继续保持沉默。。。。
那个男的，一直和他谈天，我想“阻止”，看到他被男生“欺负”很想“阻止”，可是。。。我依然沉默。。。不知道该说什么。。。。废材一个。。。。

啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊啊！！！！！！！！！

我怎么那样！！！！！

不过，和他见面，很开心
载他回家，很开心
也知道他住哪里，很开心。。。
只是不知道，他。。。
唉，算了。。。。。。
随缘吧。。。。

我。。。

2010-08-05T13:08:00.003+08:00

读着某位朋友的部落格，
读得越多，越发觉自己改变的越多。。。

曾经驻留心田的，逝去了，
曾经灿烂辉煌的，退色了，
过去紧追不舍的，碎裂了，
过去谨守告诫的，遗忘了。。。

我。。。很早以前就已经迷失了。。。
心。。。很早以前就已经磨灭了。。。

无题

2010-08-02T18:23:00.007+08:00

我从来不在意什么，从来没认真过
常认为，一个人，死了就死了，活着就活着，短短几十年，或重或轻，对历史长河来说都没什么，一个人的荣辱，一个人的作为，一个人的一生，一个人的生活，就好像一首歌，一部电影，开始了，播放着，结束了，就这么简单
或生死仇敌，或亲朋好友，或英雄一生，或失败一生，或享尽荣誉，或充满凌辱，或荣华富贵，或贫困挨饿，
或者，有谁让你多么不舍，有谁让你多么深爱，多么尊重，多么仇视，多么讨厌，多么厌恶，多么。。。
或者，。。。许多，许多。。。。
纵观存在了上亿万年的存在，这些都算得了什么？这些都没什么大不了
只是不停的循环，不停的重复，不停的上演，生活，就这么简单
这些就是每个人的，生活，我们的，生活
每个人的，人生
静静地观看，每个人的，一生
初生，同年，少年，成人，结婚，生子，孩子的成长，老年消逝，孩子的哀悼，孩子的人生。。。
默默地观看，是一种感悟
生活，人生，生老病死

在这无尽的，奔流不息的时间长河中，有什么值得眷恋？再眷恋，又能如何？一切不过是过眼云烟，一切都会被时间冲洗，淡泊，遗忘，消逝。。。

不看这些，只看自己，，自己的生活，自己的人生，足够了，此生足矣
可能有些人会让自己多姿多彩，有些人实践自己想做的事情，有些人满足自己的梦想，等等等等
这些都不需要我去在意，不需要我去关心，安静地去观看就好，不需要谁去评论，不需要谁去评头论足，不需要谁去谈伟大的哲学，不需要谁去在意，去改变，去接触别人的故事，我就是那天地，安静的观看这些人生画幕。。。

只需要实践我的生活，我的人生，过我的生活，走过我的人生，
此生无憾

只是，
我空荡荡的心，就在今天收到了一封信，觉得多了点什么
才发现，有些人，需要用一辈子来珍惜。。。。
值得我去珍惜。。。
莫名的感觉。。。。。。
这。。。就是我的生活，我的人生
好好品尝你的生活，你的人生吧，朋友

what a good day ~

2010-08-01T20:54:00.004+08:00

FINALLLLLLYYYY!!!!!
after 2 months she's been here in utar.... finally i met her !!!
although its just for a short while.... ....
she ? who's she ?
the girl from johor of course ... ^.^
i was so nervous and don't know what to do or what to say .... well... anyway i still act like i'm calm enough...
i am stupid enough for not fetching her back for i do drive to tarc that day ...
oh... my apologize... will explain the whole picture for you guys, my lovely reader before i continue further
well...
yesterday, which is saturday, my college have a competition at tarc, and i'm there too of course !!
i informed her that i was there, and i'm very happy to hear from her that she wants to meet up ^^
i was so nervous and donno how should i react....
cut off all the embarrasing part (which i though i am)
as the match finished, me and few guys was having some tea time else where...
that's when i actually found out how stupid i was....

1, i din offer her a drive to take her home... (i was thinking to while she's with me, but ... you know, i don't know how to speak it out .... haiz, i need more bravery ....)

2, coach pass me a chair for her to sit (we are standing by the way), although she refuses to, but i not even try to convince her to sit ....

3, i din ask her for lunch ....

4, there's so much stupidity of me that i cant remember ....

anyway... i still feel very very very very very very very happy to meet up with her ....
although... it's kinda short and.... aiks....
hope won't left her bad images...
but i was still very happy ^^

i really wonder what she thinking .... or ... does she feel the same way as me ? nervous ?
however that doesnt concern me ... i guess ?
i just wish that god will please me ... T.T
stop day dreaming and let it be....
顺其自然。。。
don want to think too much.... ya, am thinking too much, she might just take me as another usual friend, who knows, that doesnt really matter anyway, like i said 顺其自然。。。

another case...
i feel sorry to my another friend who study there, haha
as i reached tarc, i called her immediately, and even now i still wonder why am i calling her =.=llll
at that time, i just have this in my mind "ah my friend study here, give her a call" =.=llll
and i didnt even realize its still early in the morning, and mostly by that time, people are still in bed, thats why i feel sorry to her =.=

随笔

2010-07-05T01:27:00.003+08:00

新年过后，放了很长的假期，当然，电话没等到，我也没出去找工作，
现在同班的都放假了，而我，回到了学校，他们在上课时，我都躲在家里放假，不然我现在和他们一起假期了
不过我不后悔自己的决定，恩
之前的几个月虽然说我没去上课，可是我也没回槟城，就躲在这里，
现在开学了，
对于这个学期的讲师有些许不满，比起前一个学期的，差多了。。。
有好有坏吧，毕竟不可能完美，因为完美总是无法永恒，完美因为他们的短暂，有限，才可以在霎那绽放最完美的火花，燃烧自己，所以完美不会长存，只有加上那么一点残缺，带着残缺的美才可以恒古长存。。。
所以事情总是有那么一点残缺，残缺的美。。。

呃。。。我在说什么？

日子还是一样地过，普普通通，平平凡凡，没什么大起大落，
那个女孩，柔佛的女孩。。。。
他搬来 setapak 了，在那里读 utar，
我恨自己，为什么我的电话总是丢在一边，
因为，她搬上来的那天，他有信息给我，要我去找他。。。
我看见信息时，已经是傍晚晚上了。。。。。可恨阿！！！！
随缘吧。。。
读回之前的 post 觉得，是那么的可笑，不知道为什么就是这样觉得

最近“我”才慢慢开始重新“出现”
很多人都很惊讶，问我这段时间哪里去了？人间蒸发了？
我一直都在，只是很少出现罢了
生活，越来越沉闷，越来越无聊，或者说，一直以来都是，一向来都是，不曾改变
所以，我总是说，“还不是这样，没什么特别”

人家都说，知足，是好事，
可真的是这样吗？
过度的知足，只是另一种沉闷，
看见什么都不会特别兴奋，特别惊讶，反而觉得理所当然，应当如此
得失不会有太大的波动，没有大起大落，
这样子，是好事吗？或者说，这是不是一种，寂寞
好比对一切都没有太大的兴趣，这样子，怎么会有乐趣？这，何尝不是一种寂寞的表现？

我，知足吗？
这问题，我从来没思考过，也没有什么太大的意义，
我知足，不知足，生活，仍然继续生活，生活仍然朝着生活的方向前进
对多数的事情，不会有太大的向往，不会有太大的兴趣，
或者说，对绝大部分事情都很难提起兴趣，
这些也不是一天两天的事情了，
再问一次，我知足吗？
我不知足
恩，好矛盾的回答
我一直都很矛盾，我也从来不会深入去探讨，为什么
为什么呢？因为懒惰。。。
我不知足，可是我可以很轻易的放弃
我知足，因为我可以很珍惜
我不知足，可是我可以很快遗忘一切
我知足，因为我从来没计较衡量对比任何事物
我不知足，因为我渴望拥有更多
我知足，因为我很乐意安于现状
我可以给出甚至10 个 20 个知足与不知足的“理由”
可是，这样子，有什么意义？
纯属无聊，浪费时间
然而，每时每刻，我又何尝不是在浪费时间？

恩，我又不知道自己在说什么了，
思绪很飘忽，
再写下去，不知道会写些什么出来，不想写了，
题名就叫随笔吧。。。

就此告一段落。。。

2010-02-25T00:35:00.003+08:00

现在思绪比较冷静了。。。
看回那些短讯，才发现其实根本没什么，只是自己太在意，太紧张，然后胡思乱想。。。
最后。。。唉。。。
或许我的表达能力真的有问题吧。。。
之前看着身边的朋友也常常在想，为什么一定要男女朋友呢？
一定要有那种名义才有那种关系吗?
其实，本来这样子就很好了的，只是我太过在意，也有那种意思。。。
现在好了，朋友都不知道做不做得成。。。
说什么都没用了。。。。。。

不过，至少现在我认清了自己的目标，我知道我的方向了
不像以前，何去何从都不知道
而且，这也是一种许诺，对自己也是对她（虽然她并不知道），
我的心给了她，这是对自己的承诺，
因为，她是我的女孩，我找到了心目中的女孩，（虽然我也不知道她还接不接受我这个朋友）
今后努力的方向，就是为了往后的幸福，
我会好好读书的，
前一个学期，一直担心，一直懒惰，一直不读书，可成绩，这还得谢谢她借给我的运气，
出来的成绩还不赖虽然没有拿到一等，可也拿到二等，second upper，不错了
现在呢，看学校给什么反应，允许的话，这个学期就读到这里，暂时拿个假期，整理一下自己，然后等电话，电话成功的话就有份工作了，程序工程师，嘿嘿不错吧，过后再继续未完的课程，
这件事情，就此告一段落，也不再沮丧了。。。
太阳，不喜欢沮丧的人。。。

stupid....

2010-02-21T04:08:00.003+08:00

i done something stupid....
always like that...
always wanna make thing worse only i happy....
sigh.....
tell the truth.... i regret to do so ....
but ... i still do it...
rather than facing her like that, i choosed to speak out everything...
fucking stupid i am...
a man may like many girls, but not each of them are loved...
end of the story....
hope that it will be continued in the future...

guess this is the shortest post in my blog...

落寞。。。

2010-02-18T14:50:00.001+08:00

i think that it will be better for me to express myself in mandarin... 从我开始说我喜欢她开始，就一直到处问怎样泡女孩啊？朋友们也都有教，从开始的不想到最后的自然传短讯啊，常去找她啊等等。。。会对这些感到反感不想这么做是因为总坚持着，真正喜欢一个人的话是不许要靠这些伎俩的。。。然而，现在就变得比较自然了，想她，那就去找她吧，想她那就传短讯吧偶尔常常会想自己为什么会喜欢她啊，当然爱一个人是不需要理由的，这种骗人小女孩的东西很自然被排除了，就昨晚，想到了，因为她的善良，聪慧

前天，也请教过朋友，想知道她的感觉，他说，试试看告诉她，“想她啊”，今天告诉她了，我也的却很想看看她剪短头发的样子，结果她说，不想失去一位能够说话的朋友，不要想她然后她问“我的女孩呢？”。。。没来由心中一阵落寞。。。

我从来就没有过女朋友。。。哪里来的女孩呢，喜欢过的女孩倒是有。。。。或许我真的不应该听从朋友的建议。。。爱，应该是自然的，两个人随着对彼此的认识逐渐加深，一步一步地在生活中游走，顺其自然，而不是说喜欢就在一起就千方百计地成为男女朋友，女朋友不是试验品，不是说两个人在一起然后才发觉不合适然后分开，两个人喜欢对方就应该坦诚。。。
虽然之前我说过，听天由命，让老天来安排，不过我还是心急了。。。现在，我不知道怎样了。。。我喜欢她，可又能怎样呢？我想到不如就这样下去吧。。。不再去询问怎样追女孩了，我当然希望她会喜欢我，就摒弃那些所谓的伎俩，我喜欢她的善良，我也希望她喜欢的是真实的我，而不是使用伎俩的我，我希望的是一段真攀的感情，听天由命吧。。。况且，使用伎俩感觉有一种欺骗她的感觉。。。

what is the most delightful moment to have ?

2010-02-02T18:36:00.002+08:00

it is when you wake up, and someone who you are expecting to, waiting to, receive a message from did sent you the message that you are waiting and expecting...
ya...
here is the story,
as usual, today have class on morning so i gotta get my self prepare and reach school bout 8 30, for the class start at 8 45....
well... actually i was waiting... since last night... yet i din receive a message from her....

in the middle of my class someone from admin announce that class at 10 45 am is canceled, which means my class will end at around 10 15am and the next class is going to be 1 45pm
there's nothing to do at school for staying so long at there... so i decided to go home

reached home, checked some stuff online and i just fall asleep, i'm tired, last night i not really do sleep anyway....
and 12pm i wake up... guess what !!!
i receive a message from her !!!
i know she remembers !! i just knew it !!!
i'm happy, it might just a short message that compose of few words but it really pleasure me greatly from the bottom of my heart !!
this is the happiest greetings that i receive through these years !!
thank you !!
i want to say it again at here !! to show how happy i am

ya... maybe you guys have some guess on who is that ?
she, the one from kluang... haha...
it does pleasure me from the deepest of my heart
i really happy,
this is the only and the greatest gift that i received for my birthday

talk bout birthday ... any celebration or anything ?
nah, nothing gonna happen as usual , as previous,
but today something is different ^^
i'm happy

well...
of course, that doesnt means that i've no appreciation towards you guys greets
we are best friend forever right ?
so, there are things don need to explain, we knew it from our heart
so called, brother
those memory cant be erase ^^

now, birthday is going to past and there's something wondering me....
about my ic =_=
need to renew ?
people are confusing me, some do say yes, and some said no...
well...
tomorrow i will know if i am to renew or not .....

again...
thank you

and all the others

kluang trip

2010-01-11T05:14:00.002+08:00

just back from kluang few days ago...
why i went there ?
to meet with someone.... someone that i want to meet .... her....
i wonder if she still want to meet with me again? next time ?
i don't know... the only thing i know is... i want to see her again...
who is she? someone i know quite some time ago...
boy is like that.. at least for me...
tell the truth i still don't know what is love for i never experienced
every girl i feel that they are nice... then they are....
so... this might sound funny but.. i like many girls before (can see through my blog =_= always like this girl ... miss that girl... and end up, none i really like =_=lll)
or... just simply call it, monkey love.... ~.~
try to flash back some time ago...
that day...
sport carnival at subang...
coach try to intro a girl to me, someone i don't know at all
when they ask the girl come nearer and before they or she speaks a word, i just turn away and run away immediately without second though...
as a consequences, my team mates laugh at me for quite some period of time...

second time....
a girl i don't know, know online, she called me, i'm surprise with it
she is so aggresive and i just can't deny
however we still end up nothing

third time...
some of my friends might know this story
i met with the girl at timesquare.. i told the story to some of yours...
i'm so nervous and don't know what to do on spot
and end up nothing also...

maybe it's true with what people always saying "we are destine to meet with the wrong girl before we met the fated one"
ya...
this time at kluang, although
while eating i still cant find a topic or anything to chat
at least
i feel that i'm getting better than before
and
i found that, it's not that big matter to join with girls, no ?
i even play badminton with her and her friends
oh shit...
i just wanna talk bout my kluang trip... and see, what i end up with =_=lll
these are not what i wanna discuss man....
this time...
i actually...
i really...
found what i'm looking for...
may Venus bless me....
may 月老 bless me....
i'm not gonna do anything but give up everything to fate...
if we have fate i believe, one day, dream may come true... i believe
i'm looking forward to next holiday....
and... me too like the city and the citizens there as well, although it's not a big city with big big shopping centre etc...
those are not what i after anyway...
before this, i've though, what her though to me ?
but now, i no more considering what she thinking bout me,
as i said
if we have fate, there's no need for me to consider all these

one more thing...
at there, i nvr said words like "anything" or "cincai" which i used to speak all the time whenever someone ask me anything... haha, i don't know why but to her... i just try not to use these words..
before anything else... i will improve myself, for future sake, i want her to be happy

crapping....

2009-12-31T00:13:00.002+08:00

went back and my mom cut my hair for me already ~
and dad bring me to dentist, unfortunately two (or three? forgotten) times i went there and seems like the dentist don want to do my business his door always close, haha...
then i said nevermind loh, go back kl i do myself and i'm scolded =_= my dad scold me donno how to manage my own, hair so long no cut, teeth broken so long no fix... haha... he worries....
so... after came back here... immediately i go fix my teeth... it cost me RM80 !!! so expansive....
for others.. consider cheap edy, previously i went to a dentist before, he gave me two options RM200 to plug my teeth and replace a fake one, or RM900 having operation for my teeth, and i give up to fix my teeth ...
for me,
it's not a big deal, as long as i can eat and bite normally, everything is just fine, and i'm okay with it... i still don get the reason why they insist to fix my teeth so much....
maybe is that i still doesn't realise why i was wrong by having this though.... .....
well...
long long long time ago... human fought for survive...
and today... human fought for comfortation in life.... indirectly money is what we are fighting for...
meaningless...
just when can i end my life ?
history is just repeating everyone's story...
those who success and fail
those who smart and stupid
its just keep on repeating and repeating the same event the same happening just the people who carried them out are different individuals and thats it
people nowadays are sucks
since wisdom play no important in our life
our culture tradition wisdom that passed down for five thousand years none appreciate
maybe some they do
but majority are just insulting them
why insult ?
say, the quote 挺身而出 became 挺声而出 its for promoting purpose and nothing wrong bout it
but i don like it, for me its kind of insulting
if you have the knowledge why don you just come out with something different ? a different quote or create one for it ? but not twist it
and
people throw away the legacy that passed down to us, and take others wisdom as gold mountain
it's true that western wisdom is great but we should not left our legacy of wisdom behind, they have equal stands with western philosophy
i din mean which is greater or what i said, they are equally best
those posses stupidity, always having those famous talks, famous philosopher and their quotes with them and have no knowledge on anything
they too are insulting the wisdom and the wiseman....
human are fallen
human became machine .... ....
heartless and stupid....

~.~

2009-10-31T07:14:00.002+08:00

what to do with wasting time ????
i cant see the relation....
well... ...
the thing is like that,
first, what i ask is can i "kao" you but not be my gf,
second, let say if what i ask is, be my gf, i still cant see the fact of "wasting time",
is it for those who have relation must perform all the "processes" ?
like sms, talking phones, go out or what blah blah blah
those are "kid's plays"
what you understand about people in relation?
what you understand about a relation ?
i don't know whether you understand or not , but i assume that you don't
for, i know, you are not smart as what i expected when in foundation the time that i just know you,
for, i know, some of your attitude behavior not the characteristic i liked,
for, i know, you nvr have a hard time before, the hard time i mean here is like, environments, people around, etc.
and, i know what kind of ppl i am in yours and others eyes.......
however, who cares bout those ?
the fact is just that i like you and thats all
in computer world there are logic and everything is fair and square compose of 1 and 0, can see all the sequence and processes, BUT !!!!
WE are not computer,
it's not that everything must have a logic behind it,
thousand era ago, people have no logic how they survive ?
they dont need any reason or logic to tell them why they hunt !!
today, what is the logic behind one's emotion ?
talk bout environment, there are still many things cant be explained and not logic at all !
and what is the logic behind a people's behaviour ? psychologist ? no, even psychology cant tell 100% accuracy of one's behaviour, etc.
not everything in logic and not everything must have a logic,
well...
just wanna speak up one or two here while i have no dare to tell anything out there ....

never drink again.....

2009-10-03T12:58:00.002+08:00

thinking why many people like to go club and they like drinks a lot....
i din said that it might something fun or what, just curious ...
but now... i even more curious bout this .... after i have my first clubbing night with friends.....
one table 24 beer + 1 wine = 200++,
14 people include me, which means each person have to pay only bout RM18, sound inexpansive, thats a good thing, so i decided to go with them.....
listening to others story, and i started wonder how will i looks like when i'm drunk.....
and last night... i dranks, my head is fucking dizzy, cant walk properly and vomit few times, thats the only feeling i have damn fucking dizzy and suffer..... ..... is that what we call drunk ?
i will never drink again !!!

dream

2009-09-28T09:31:00.002+08:00

it is not easy to insist their dream especially for someone who once have everything and gone in one night to continue insisting their dream
i still blur with what he is saying, but i choose to support him, support his dream
although what he saying is very rough, i choose to support him to achieve his dream
no reason i need to support him, just for someone who really impress me, someone who can insist their dream for 16 years, i cant imagine how difficult it is, but, he does impress me ... a lot .....

down down down and down

2009-09-17T02:24:00.002+08:00

its about one week past....
i didnt hope to be very happy but ... at least let me in normal mood.... but not always feel so down
please ...
this is no good ~.~
say...
come on .... always showing that stupid look.... although i'm fine with it , but others wont feel good to see that ~.~ definitely
~~~
aiks....
o cacing gotta be strong gotta be a man
just wait and see !
do people know that cacing have a great nickname ? Red Dragon "赤龙" or "地龙" ?? which one ? forgotten... anyway there is a name of dragon in it ~.~
damn....

now only i realise .....

2009-09-08T20:49:00.002+08:00

talk back to that girl...
the Touch ... the one i concern... as i mentioned in previous few posts...
to tell the truth....
since the day i know her ... i not really close with her ... we are just classmates ... simple as that...
until the day that she really touches me .... i'm still not really close with her , we are just know each other ....for i really rarely to mix with girl and i wont feel easy ....
there are exception, but the percentage is low ...
until recently ...
through years ... more or less there are still chances for we to talk ... mostly on msn of course ... its difficult for me to face her .... somehow ....
well... through all the conversation.... i know her a little bit more compare to the past .... slowly and slowly ... i know her a little bit and a bit more .... and soon i discover that ... ermm...
the more i know her ... the more i realise how normal she is ....
not smart as i expected and so on .... although she speaks english fluently ....
well....
to match the title ...
finally ... i realise what is the meaning of "someone that special to you"
although she's that normal , just the same as other, nothing special
, somehow, you have a special feeling towards her... maybe thats the meaning of "someone that special to you" which everyone talking all around all the days ....
the more i know her , the more i understand the meaning of this .... ....
someone that really special for you ...
seems... special is not enough to describe that feeling .... yet i dont know what word should i use to describe that ... just feeling and thats all ... thats the only word that i can think of ...
feeling

damn....

2009-08-22T00:55:00.006+08:00

in the end ...
finally ...
at time i'm nagging by two friends ...
i do sent out the first message ... to a girl who stay far beyond my imagination ....
and someone who touches my heart long long ago , that i though has found the shelter to lean on ... had leave that warm shelter.... i have no feeling of happy nor sad, just that the touches that has been left inside of me being increasing somehow ....
and now ... what should i do ?

its true that ... not many but still a few amount of girl that i've gone through.... but who lives in me just that little... the first , who changed me into who i am as what you all seen, the second who console me through that bitter days, the third who i feel sin on myself, the forth, who i have my first date with (is that even consider a date ? might be ?) , oh before that , second and third there are someone who touches me ... ... and that she is ....
the only thing that remain and keeps on surrounding in my mind is ...
how , why , what, and i don't know .... i'm confuse, i'm lost, i'm ...puzzling ?
i don't know ....

all these days all these periods , i never have a dare to think of it, i never have a dare to though that want to be with it....
for i knew that how weak i am, how fragile i am,
my shoulder can't even lift someone's emotion,
my back can't even bear something call responsible,
my hand can't even warm the cold air,
my eye can't even stand someone up,
but now ... i don't know .... i don't know .... and i don't know ...
somehow ... i want ....

some how ... it comes to me from no where "there are times where you finally have to bear all the responsibility, i can't get away"
what does this mean to me ?
it lies deep inside my soul, i know, thats why he come to me from nowhere to tell me that i can't get away from any and every responsibility that i response to ....
and this will only comes meaningful after i actually have the Responsibility on my back....
and the responsibility is .... the touches ....

i don't know .... i don't know ...
someone! something! just get me out from this fucking trap of mind ....
i only know that all these happens in my mind, in my feeling, in my souls ....
it doesn't concern anyone ....
thats the only thing that i know ....

though that i will be granting the best of my wishes to the Touches,
and i'm gonna look forward to someone that far beyond my imaginary ....
and all of the sudden .... i get the news that .... that shelter has been left alone by my touches.... ....

there is no needed to understand... ...

the moonless night tells how lonely the night is
the bugless night tells how empty the land is
the colourless night that full with sigh
only wind come forth to console the puzzle of mind
he hears the fountain
the fountain where his spirits should rest
still... he puzzling...
yet.... he lost ....
thus .... he confuse....
and he trapped... in the jungle
where the loses souls gather....
that unnamed ....
once he calls ... love ?

decide for me !!!

2009-07-03T13:17:00.003+08:00

very soon... i will end my third semester
well... there are two intakes date actually ...
one is july intake and another is september
here comes the point....
which should i choose ?
if i choose september i have 2 months time to strengthen my foundation in computing or make an improvement ... or ... i would just save my time and directly continue to my 2nd year degree ?
well... for me i would like to take september intake actually .... but there's someone i concern(psst: not my gf, she has a bf haha ^^ don mistaken my boys) taking the july intake ....
anyone giving me any idea ?
to be honest i'm okay with both intake, that doesnt concern me really that much ...
just the point is ...
depends to the intake that i have choosen things might different in their consequences ... ...
in my own view, i'm okay with both intake, but still.... i mind the consequences of my choice ......

someone had remind me of the orientation weeks, so... even i took the july intake i still able to come back penang for few days, thats what i promised, thus... by now ... it's really okay for me to take any intake ... just the consequences of my decision that troubling me

so far ... get what i mean or not ? i'm not good in telling stuff in english ...
well...
okay okay ... make it clear and easy
july intake .... start class immediately, but orientation days are not comfirmed how long, and that will decide my days at penang
or
september intake ... 2 months break and i'm able to do many things in between my holiday ...
make a decision for me man ... ...

arghhhh i don think there are still people who following this blog due to my poor update rate and poor english writting =_=lll
~~~~~
pst.... actually i want july the most =_=lll don ask why ... refer back to the top ~.~
at the same time ... i hope i will take the september intake also ... ... why? refer to the top =_=lll
crapping ....

nightmare ...

2009-05-30T17:37:00.002+08:00

long time din update ... update a bit bit ~
few days ago ... my housemate came back and said our house got ghost and what what what ... just have fun with me of course ...
then one of them go online and find the ghost-like sounds and playing over and over ...
and you know what
today ... morning ....
i have nightmare !!! grrr...
damn scary man ... ...
first time in my life that i have a dream and i frighthen until i wake up =_=lll
at that moment i just hope that someone will be home at least there are someone else other than me ... =_=lll
but i'm fine now =_=lll haha ~.~
what a dream. ... .
yuck ...

one day....

2009-02-13T06:13:00.002+08:00

long long time ago .... which is a common style for stories ...haha. ^^

long long time ago
where there are no lifes on earth
there is one being named God visit the earth
he says:"i am able to grant you life and wisdom with one condition, how much of love you asked for will decide the amount of wisdom and life you will received !"
and ... ... ...
there are lifes on the earth ... beautiful earth
and there is a type of being called the human !
they called themselves the leader of the world, they are the smartest with great intelligence , wisdom, and great love.... but ... actually ....
They are the most stupid among all the beings ! why ?
too much of knowledge , wisdom, they have average life span, and eternal love , which in returns, love turned into all those negative feelings and so on...
animal.... they choose little wisdom, and little love...
lack of wisdom made them innocent and pure...
little love makes them understand how treasure the love is, they love themselves their family and their race
there are no wars , no killings among their races, family , brothers , or their love one... they just fight for their loves not killing each other ....
too much love and wisdom human have this made them became uncertaincy, some ... they will learned wisdom and love.... and some ... they will learn hate and kill ....

stupid story =_=lll
since ... donno if there are any ? reading .. have to update .... even though with sucks english ...haha...

another port dickson trip ?????

2009-02-11T23:31:00.002+08:00

today ... which is last week =_=lll
my housemate suddenly ask me to go his house at seremban to take ang pao =_=lll
haha
i'm not willing to go ... for ... laziness =_=lll
suddenly i remind of my car that needed to be repair so i decided to go while my car is repairing i don need to wait there but having ... fun????
so i decided to go with him
the time i reach his house the first thing i do is sleep =_=
hah ... errr... mention that there are three ppl me him and another friend
3 of us went out and that seremban guy he bring us to port dickson =_=lll 3 gays walking by the beach
sound ... gay and sound boring but i like it however
i don like big joy or anythinig ... just a little bit of enjoyment like this would satisfied me good enough ^^
then our next destination is eagle ranch
cool
there are many things to play there (we are only explore eagle ranch but not went there to waste money , just have some walk)
there are horse riding , archery , paintball, flying fox , swimming pool, canoeing, basketball, football there is even beach there ~ its port dickson man , sea side is a must ! and kart etc.
haha
looks fun and great great much much much more more more better than the previous time when i go to port dickson with another banch of guy staying in a small room with only one swimming pool
oh man~~~
thats all bye =_=llll

My life ...

2009-01-19T09:57:00.000+08:00

I've been questioning everything bout my life....
can't deny that i've learn a lot of things....
and ... the deeper i gone.... the more i will be covered with darkness and abysness ...
humility .... beings .... universe ... minds. ... relations .... all those things ....
and many ... many .... difficult to tell...
for there are too much of them ... until i donno how to categorize them and it seems that they are not needed to be ... we just named them ... wisdom ... or philosophy in other words ...
i found that things ... everything .. .whatever they are ... they are just crap ... in mandarin ...荒谬 ....
to tell the truth i'd though of study philosophy after my secondary school ... but i found that ... those are not what i want to learn or study ....
after have some brief knowing of what will learned in philosophy subjects in china and taiwan
they are more based on theory and study those old man
i, me myself i more prefer to enjoy thinking, from them to ourselves
i don believe in theory and i don like theory , they are not complete for me .... i believe in each and every posibilities ....
and today ... i just realise that have a great feeling in this ....
life ... my life ... just give it a smile and goes on
there is no need for me to find out anything , just thrown all those minds, "wisdom", thinkings, philosophy or anything ! just leave them behind and go on with my life and thats all !
somehow i feel so , i feel it in this way , deeply
and its like ... all of a sudden its like you suddenly saw a light from no where in your mind
life, and thats it , thats all bout it...
even i do though that we are just repeating our own and others life or past or present or maybe in future ... we are just repeating lifes , lives , events , for we might be the same and we are , as long as we are human .... theres nothing new in each and every different lifes ...
what happens here might happen with you, what i know , you might know , and all those great wisdom looks like there are no more but exist in those old days , no man cries for wisdom nowadays , they are just repeating what old time wiseman sayings ....
i din deny that there are totally none of them , there are still there just that ... their sound arent big enough to let us hear them and they won do so for the sake of who they are ... wiseman

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

2009-01-16T08:39:00.000+08:00

First I want to announce that i will be very happy in coming 31st of january !!! muwahahahahahhaahhahahahahha
for those who knows the reason why just pretend that you donno what will happen and continue reading muwaahahahhahahahahha
for someone going to carry out a gathering together with my old time teacher !!!!!
they are the very important people to me, for me, in my life
yes ! i nvr miss them !
yes ! i nvr though of them !
yes ! i nvr care bout them !
but !!! they do long live in my heart ! i always remember them !!
i appreciate them !
i love them !
they are my friends, and my teacher !
and thats all, theres no need a reason why for all these
for what i always believes in ... everything are just excuses whatever the reason is,
you want to kill someone, you just need a reason
you want to survive, you just need a reason
you need to workhard, you just need a reason
you want to help, you just need a reason
don get it ?
ok here...
i kill, because they are evil
i live, because there are things waiting for me, they need me ?? maybe ?
i working hard, i need money to eat
i help, you are my friends, i cant be alone in this life to cure my loneliness
whatever the reason is , anything you do , you just need an excuse or just a reason

but they don !!
why ? no why , just thats it haha

second thing to be announced is ..................
muwahahahhahahahahahah
after new year, after i came back from new year
i'm going to have my head shining !!!
since the very early ages, i told my mom, just cut botak , easy don need to cut hair for i don like... its kind of wasting time... and my mom scolded me gao gao
since that day !!! i decided i swear i want to be botak gia !!! and i'm going to be
muwaahahhahahahahahahhah
until today !!!
my family moved back to penang, and they are unable to see me anymore
and i won go back penang quite a period
so !!! !!!
listen here and watch carefully i am going to be botak !!!!!!!
BOTAK !!!!! YEAHHHHH
BOTAK WAN SUI ~~~~~
LONG LIVE THE BOTAK !!!!!!
hoooray~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

it's been some time ....

2008-12-18T04:55:00.002+08:00

there's been a long time since the last post i wrote
today will be my final exam which is math and few more hours i will welcomed my holiday by going back to my home town ~
i'm gonna meet with all my buddies there since i'm unable to make it previously, as for each times i went back, its either they are busy or ... whatever the reason is ~.~
well... i cant says wht will i do at my hometown but i'm sure , if possible i will be riding my bike around my house, driving my car visiting my friends, walking/playing/running by the beach, watching the sunset/rise, went out at night to feel the night(although its not possible since my parents will strictly not allowed that) ~.~ to have a better touch to write out better poem, since i have no clues what to write recently ... and my days are just boring as shit recently, cant find any touches in my daily life except boredom ~.~

i think thats all for today
going bed ... exam soon at 10 am haha ^^

moving back to my HOME

2008-10-19T20:38:00.002+08:00

does it sound weird ?
moving back to my home ? arent i'm staying here in my house ? ha ...
but this is only partially correct , this is my house but not my home !
my home at penang ! where i born , where i grow , where my friends are !
haha ^^
but i'm not the one who move ... i have to stay here and continue my study
so ... only my family are moving back
my dad move tonight ... and the rest of my family members moving on holiday which is either nov or dec ^^
i think thats all for it ... nothing much to write bout ... ha ^^

my first sem

2008-09-14T16:30:00.002+08:00

TERRIBLE is the only word that i can think of to descripe my first sem
first... is the timetable
i wonder why they make thing mess up by seperating our intake for so many groups...
we have G1 and G2 which refers to group 1 and 2 , it is fine with that but ! in both group 1 and 2 again they split up into 2 more groups... mean... each group1 and group2 have 2 groups inside of them G1g1 , G1g2 and G2g1, G2g2...
then the timetable is just make us confusing, for some class we are studying together as long as you are from G2, and someother class are just prepare for particular groups... what piss me off is whenever how they seperate our groups the stuff we learn all were the same ! after having some "talk" with the admin to adjust the timetable, the reason they gave us for seperating us is ... too many students in one group ... what the fuck ? 40 students consider more ? this is not pursuative , if you want to know last year, in my foundation we have about 50 in our class !! what reason is this ?
second... this is the main reason that really piss me off ^^ heh ^^
our class have only 2 local chinese female !!! damn.... the rest are from foreign, if consider those female from foreign, in total , not more than 10 female in my group ! maybe 5 or 6 thats all !!
and the rest were male ! damn .... how am i gonna having my days in level one ?

open school finally !

2008-09-01T05:29:00.002+08:00

cool,
open school soon...
i believe there will be something for me to write... haha^^ i hope so ^^
just now went to birdrangers's page and get some old friend's blog
wow, everyone is blogging !
zheng min's blog is nice .... because have many pictures ^^ haha ^^
looks like everyone is doing fine ! quite happy looking those photos ...
yi tian has his hair dyed... wow ...
i just miss everyone of them and feel warm look at his blog ^^ heh ^^
the rest ... ermm... too much words... din read either .... i just enjoy their photos .... haha^^
k thats all
hope that in coming days there are something for me to write bout ....

the worse planing of the year....

2008-08-26T00:40:00.002+08:00

it sounds normal having orientation for each and every uni or college for each intake
but whats abnormal bout apiit orientation is ...
they are having a 3 weeks orientation for my intake which is august of 08
ya.. guys you heard me right , its 3 weeks !!!
more worse is ... in 3 weeks of orientation... we are going to do what we've done in last year...
which is my first join my college ... and at that period we only take 3 days to finish everything
try to imagine.... 3 days orientation contents can be enlarge to 3 weeks ?
what the hack is all that ...
this is the worse planning of the year that i've ever seen ....
other schools have no match for my college ...

port dickson trip...

2008-08-07T01:29:00.002+08:00

there is nothing much to write here actually...
well...
for me ... to tell the truth ...
boring =_=lll
ya.. it is ...
nothing special bout the trip the sea is just normal as my hometown...
my friends keeps on saying that it is dirty for the colour of the sea is green ...
well ... i think that is because of plankton... an organism that lives in ocean or sea...
who said that sea must be as clear as fresh water ?
talk bout the trip... few places we went ... the only quite meaningful places is ... ulu bangat...
where the waterfall located ... it should be much more fun ... unfortunately... they doesnt seems like to playing there i mean ... to wet ourselves... that makes the fun become bored... a bit ... at least ...
after that we went to taman ular sawa to watch those python... again... nthg special...
since i watched them before.. .even the small one ... as the temple at my hometown , they do have one phython there ... a small phython ... ... ... nothing special....
at night we went somewhere and take our dinner ... the dish is nice though .. .again... boring ....
if you want to ask my opinion.. i prefer those normal food that being sold everywhere local food and similar ...
we doesnt really went much places ...
well... i'm quite selfish... and they are too nice ...
on the second day of the trip ... i just want to stay in hotel and relax and enjoy myself ... yet they still wishes me to go with them... they waiting for me half an hour... maybe more than that ...
that makes me sin .... towards them....

a dream....

2008-07-30T21:13:00.003+08:00

i have a dream today...
in my dream... i fetching my friends coming back to klang, on the way home we pass by shah alam.
cut off those unimportant parts...
i suddenly stand still there... and i cant even move, my sight become blur, i lose balance but i still standing still... but i can listen my surrounding clearly...
i heard someone said ... thats the condition which states that he's gonna pass away soon...
then something comes out in my mind... do you have any regretion in your life ? my answer is .. no..... aye ,there are nothing that i cant release in this world... except that ... i'm a bit sad... for i not yet having someone to stay my side , there are no one for me to hold their hands tight and forever , for her whole life... thats the only thing that make me to give it a sigh... she is my wife or my lover...... who is still an unknown if you wanna know....other than "her" there are nothing i can't release from this world... ... i din regret on anything nor holding anything tight... in this world ... for my life....
then ... i wake up .....

dad, you are late....

2008-07-28T05:51:00.002+08:00

coming oct my family will be moving back to penang
to my new house bought few years ago, and my old house in penang was sold
tooooo bad ...
my family move back to penang because my dad working place switch to penang soon...
if you want to know, i come from penang actually, when i'm 14 me and my family move to here, klang because my dad is employed by my uncle for higher salary...
if only my family is moving to penang few years earlier i might be able to meet with my old friends there and study with them again possibly ... too bad
and now i have to stay here all alone , and i hate dirty , my house i living now is damn dirty and i'm lazy to clean up... well... what can i do ? i have to stay here for 3~4 years damn it ...
however if my family moving few years earlier i might not having days like these by now ...
so there are facts for both moving now or few years earlier... both have good and bad side of them... so ... thinking so much for what ? just continue my life ~~

new level ...

2008-07-20T20:14:00.002+08:00

finally, i'd register for my new level... degree level 1....
i intended to take networking ... for i know better .. and i'm quite interest in it .. .
and .. soon after.. i found out that ... i'm interesting in computer security too... for ... in my humble opinion... ... computer security would be an easier job compare to other courses like software engineering... because ... for software engineering ... everyday you have to sit in front of a computer ... and keeps on programming ... and design the programme.... although i heard from my friends... it is only difficult in the beginning for you have to programmed everything on your own... and after that ... for coming new projects.. what you have to do is just copy and paste.. .and do some edit with it ... thats all... but i still go for computer security... ...haha.... ....
after comparing both the networking and comp security... i found out that .. i'm really don care what to study for my future .. i just care how easier is the available jobs in future... and finally i make my decision base on.... that ... i can study networking from cisco in the future... for .. ccna or upper standard... will be much more better than the networking course that provide by my college... so i decided to choose computer security for my major.... and i hope it wont dissapoint me and in the future .. i am able to get a handy job ^^ making easy money ^^ heh ^^ you know ... i am really lazy character ... even you ask me to click ads... for easy money everyday... i won do it ... for i am a truly lazy personality.... so.. i hope in future i can just travel anywhere as i like with money always flow in to my bank account all the time without any work ^^ haha ^^ THIS IS NOT A DREAM !!!! one day ... just wait ^^ hehe ^^

silence...

2008-07-09T02:26:00.002+08:00

whats come into your mind when you read "silence" ?
something peace ? tranquil? serenity ?
environment without sounds ? no actions have been taken ? no wars? no fights ?
the silence i mean here is , the silence in your life... ...
it can only be feel.. .. ..
life goes on silently, i am not pointing that you have no any success in your life or not doing anything impressive....
what i mean is fulfil... and satisfied of your life...
its not bout wealth health nor love...
its bout, your inner part of life , your heart
there is no emptyness , there is no great happy , no conflicts or anything...
when you feel the silence... you will just have a smile maybe ...
it is something elusive thus, difficult to explain ...
you will understand it, when you have no reliance on any external forces to continue your life...
external forces are those religion, will, fame, greed, rigths, relation with any other people, environments etc.
you continue your life on your own feeling, listen to your heart, you are not force yourself to follow any rules,restriction, limitation, not bound to anything or the will of going to be anything...
because we always want to be someone, willing to reach somewhere, so we are always restrict from the "truth" of our heart, we are not listening to our heart and the consequence is your life will nvr in peace, you always looking for something yet you are unable to be satisfied, you fight throughout your whole life for nothing, your life feel with terror it might be...
if we always listen to our heart
then you will be rest in silence ...
at the end of your life, you will have no feeling of emptyness, frustration, regrate,sad, yet, not too much of happiness, for you are just satisfied in your heart and it is in peace...
what i explain here might have mislead from what i actually wanna say ...but .. it doesn't matter...
for if we know it better the impossible for us to realise it, same to our life, the more we read, the more we listen, the more we see, the lesser the chances for us to understand what is our life... the lesser the chances for us to know the truth on everything... we can only feel, at that moment and understand by our hearts but not in words.... only your heart can tell what is it ... ...